We all have them. People in our lives who just suck the energy right out of you. Somehow it seems unavoidable. Every now and then they just pop up again. The tricky thing is that at first you don't really notice. Or you think it can't be that bad and you'll deal with it. So that's what you do, you try to deal with it and ignore the signals. Slowly things get worse, day after day, week after week. It's a slow process and you hardly notice it happening. And one day you wake up and realize you are stressed out of your hatter and can't pin point why. It takes a while to figure out what this negative force in your life is. Because it happened so slowly you hardly notice. But if you take a good look around and ask yourself the right questions, you'll track them down. You will be able to recognize the person who is sucking the life right out of you. And then, you need to deal with it.
This is often a lot more difficult to do then most people think. If something hurts, then you should just stop doing it. But what if that person is your partner? Or your mother? Or your boss? Do you simply tell them to shove it and walk away? You will most likely have invested time, effort, money and emotionally into this person. They are part of your life. But even if they are not that important to you personally and it wouldn't effect your life in such ways as quiting your job or getting a divorce, it can still be hard. Does it make you a bad person to just dump someone? What will they say and how will they feel? Fact is, you are the most important person in your life. If you're not, then you have some serious soul searching to do. You have to do what is right for you. Usually, when someone if draining you and you tell them to go away, they will find someone else to drain. You don't need to worry about them so much. They can take care of their own needs without you just fine, just like they have been doing by leeching off you. They weren't being friends. They used you, whether they were aware of it or not.
But what about your hubby? Or your boss? What to do about them? First you better make sure they are really at fault before you do anything. Ask yourself the right questions, ask them the right questions and weigh their answers. Are they aware of what they are doing? Can you make them aware? And if you can and do, can they fix it? And will they? In situations like this it is important to give them a fair chance, to give the relationship a fair change, and your career of course. If the other person realizes that they are at fault and they tell you they are willing to help make things better it doesn't mean they can just give you false hope, or buy you dinner once and then go back to beating you. They have to make changes that last. If they don't, confront them again and see if things get better. If they still don't change the things you really need to change, it's time to move on.
I have having trouble with the manager at the gym where I was working. He was chaotic and inconsistent. He told people what ever they wanted to hear just to get them off his back and then break his promises. He is also a bad listener and would sometimes even just walk off while you were speaking to him. Personally I think he's on the verge of having a major meltdown. He walks around with this hollow face and blank stare. It's worrying. It's also extremely frustrating to work for someone who doesn't know what's going on in his own gym while things are falling apart and he doesn't fix anything. He goes for short term solutions, pissing people off in the long run. He just hired a new girl to replace one of the girls who had a front desk job but he told the girl she could do personal training and stuff because that's what she wants. But he hired her for the front desk. I warned her not to get her hopes up and I wonder how long it's going to take before she gets bored, angry, or both. I sure as hell was. I was bored and angry. Those two usually go hand in hand for me. If I'm stuck in a place where I'm bored and can't grow and learn new things. When I'm not challenged, I get angry and frustrated. So I had started looking for other opportunities to learn, other gyms where I would find the challenge that I need. I had planned on leaving things in a decent manner without shouting or hard feelings. No such luck. He managed to push my buttons by bitching at me and I threw in the towel. Well, my personal trainer shirt actually. Quite literally though. If felt good. It's a weight off my back and I can finally breath again. On the other hand, all the stress that had been building up is coming out now and I'm noticing how tired I really am. I'm going to take the time I had scheduled to work for myself to regain my energy. Lord knows I need it. This means I will have plenty time to catch up on some reading, doing a bit of painting and meditating. I feel better already.